Romeo must die!

There will soon be a law against what they familiarly call ‘eve teasing’ in Mumbai. Maybe even all of India. Which puts a whole lot of men out of business on the streets, on various forms of public transport, outside stores, in markets…even driving along the city’s crowded roads. So what will all those ‘roadside Romeos’ do once the law is in effect and taken seriously, which a lot of laws in India are unfortunately not? A search for alternative professions boggles not just the mind, but credibility as well. Here are a few ideas:

Call centre executive: The place many young people frequent these days, especially late evening, is the call centre. They do not ‘hang out’, they do not drink and dance and get doped, they do not make out with their significant others of the night and they do not act rowdy and be destructive. What they do, really, is work, late into the wee hours. Call centres are currently hot job options, a place to make money without too much physical exertion, network with people all over the world and get that coveted foreign accent without spending any money to travel abroad. The Romeo who stands at bus stops and street corners discussing the qualities and suitability of various passing women would do good at the job.

Soap opera extra: For some strange and hilarious (to my friends, who know me well) reason, I have been watching night time soap operas on Indian television. I am still totally mystified by the acrobatics of the plots and the actions of various characters involved in various good or bad – and never the twain shall meet – activities and I have no clue why who is doing what to whom, when and how, but I am completely fascinated by the genre. One aspect that strikes me every evening is the number of people milling about in the background of any crowded scene. They walk past, come in and out, just stand there doing little, or gather around the central character when cued to do so. What has me in giggles each time is the amount of exercise one single person gets in the process. The girl in the red shirt, for instance, walked past behind the hero and his heroine at least four times in one short span (maybe three minutes), while the man in the suit came in and went out four and a half times (the last time, he stayed in, perhaps because the scene faded into a commercial break). The Romeo who hangs around outside a shop, peering in every now and then, even opening the door a few times, would do good at the job.

Journalist: Working for a newspaper or magazine is all about investigation. Of course, like some fresh new products, you can get your report so dreadfully mixed up that a solstice comes one day before schedule, a Sneha commits suicide because a Neha is depressed and gutsy winds and hummid weather precedes the onslot of the monsoon season. Which is perfect for our hero, Romeo. He is always interested in the depths of an issue, peering deep into a passing woman’s cleavage, peeking into the ladies’ compartment of a commuter train or working hard to get a one-on-one…interview, that is, of course. The Romeo who lurks in the urban murk for his target (victim?) would do good at the job.

There are so many directions Romeo can go to get a new life. Some of them are even ‘respectable’, taking him out of the seedy status of being a ‘roadsider’ and making him more legitimate. After all, with the new law threatening his very existence, he needs something to do that can ideally channel his talents, don’t you think?