Listing madly

I am not sick on ships, but I am getting sick of what we are doing these days, even though we have not been doing it for that long. It’s always the story of what ever went around, coming around again. In other words, if you ever read the newspapers, you will know that it is THAT time of year, when everyone in town is bogged down with doing end-of-the-year special issues, with lists of what happened, where, how and when, with nice pictures attached, along with who died, who got married, who had babies and who won the elections. Which means that everyone is running hither and yon, sitting in on endless meetings replete with what really amounts to nothingness, and compiling reams of lists that will eventually, considering the space actually available in a newspaper, be whittled down to a sad minimum.

In the compilation, there is always a list of people who died during the year, with fingers crossed that no one of note dies in the span of a few hours between finishing production of the page and the paper seen on the stands and on doorsteps everywhere. It’s a mind-deadening process, with no lists saying the same thing. Dates may vary, or spellings of names, or even the facts about what the individual did to make him or her famous. And there will always be comparisons – someone is more important than someone else, or someone needs to be included, while someone else can be left out. And then comes the painful process of finding photographs to match names – many will not be available, or if they can be found, of a quality that cannot, under any circumstances, even if you smile sweetly at the processing team, be used.

Then comes the design of the paper. For the issue of the first day of the new year, there will always be a unique design, one that no one will agree on, just as they do not agree on anything else that goes into the pages. The head designer will want one look, the editors will demand something else and the actual page-makers will grumble about both, finding it difficult to fit the content into the layout…or the layout to the content. A mismatch inevitably results in flaring tempers, frayed nerves, raised voices and more resignations that would normally happen when the newspaper coasts along in its usual groove. There will be last minute changes, last minute orders and last minute additions and withdrawals, all causing even more stress and strife.

And when the paper is printed, something will go wrong, almost like the flaw that is added to a perfect carpet to avert the evil eye. There will be a caption that kills off someone who is very much alive, a headline that actually belongs to another story and a spelling that is innovative, to put it mildly. When the paper is reviewed, all its flaws will be noticed and noted, even as those who are responsible cower under desks and behind doors or at home to avoid the wrath. And the positives are given a passing note of praise, one that settles as lightly as a flitting moth on the tip of a warm lightbulb as it goes hunting for dinner.

Just as all the frenzy reaches its peak, it’s over. The newsroom calms down and the entire team learns to live with any of the changes that may be permanent, dealing with each in a generally phlegmatic manner. It is the nature of the whimsical beast, after all!