The space around us

The concept of personal space is a difficult one for most Indians to understand, I am finding. People have no qualms about spreading themselves over your home, your room, your seat or even your self, pushing you into a corner that you may not really like being in. it happens on trains, in buses, on the street, at work, even over the Internet, email and text messaging on mobile phones. It is as if you are always watched, always surrounded, always hemmed in, your privacy invaded, your personal boundaries violated, your space impinged upon.

And sometimes the invasion is more difficult to handle, involving personal contact. This happened to me yesterday, when I was at work. I was in early, as I prefer to be, and at my desk, sipping my customary mug of hot water and wondering if I really wanted to be there – which is again something I do routinely. A friend dropped by, someone I have known for about 15 years, and with whom I have a fairly amicable hi-hello-how goes it kind of interaction. He sat, chatted, beamed fondly at me and told me about his need for change. And then, out of the blue, he did something that left me speechless, stunned, completely nonplussed. He reached out and ran his fingers through my hair which, unusually for me especially at work, was loose and swingy. I stopped what I was doing for that small instance that it took me to recover, then sat up, bunched my hair into its normal knot and continued the conversation, trying not to be affected, or show it.

But it came out of the blue and had me wondering where I was and what I was doing there. Not because of the touch itself – that was as casual as a first-time acquaintance admiring a new hairstyle. But because it came from someone that I had never allowed to get past my personal boundaries and who always had stayed beyond them with discretion and discipline, it was just too shocking. I am still not sure if something in the relationship was violated, but it certainly changed – I have become very wary of the man, unsure of what he will do next and unwilling to find out. When I can sort it out in my mind, I will deal with it better. For now, the state of major startlement prevails.