A better half indeed

I am always completely startled when someone, in this day and age, with pretensions to being urbanised, westernised and modernised, with a so-call ‘liberated’ thinking and attitude, calls a wife the ‘better half’. While it may sound on the surface like a compliment, it has the flavour of being totally patronisingly chauvinistic, sort of like calling her the ‘little woman’ or 'amenuensis'. It smacks of a large serving of spurious superiority, coloured by years of listening to protests and then developing a self-conscious awareness of political correctness where women are concerned. And it is particularly Indian.

Marriage is about partnership, even in a traditionally male-dominated society set-up like the one that exists in India. A wife is not just a primary element in a husband’s goods-and chattels package, but someone who shares his life with as many if not many more responsibilities. And a woman is no longer an object to be owned, but a thinking, feeling, intelligent human being with needs, wants, desires and strengths. That the woman is the most powerful entity in a marriage and/or family is undeniable – she runs the house, bears the children, organises the budgets and very likely works outside the home, too, to supplement the family income, as well as to satisfy her own ambitions. All this does make her the better half, yes, but is it necessary to label her so?

Women always get labelled. Perhaps men do, too, but those titles are generally not mentionable in polite company. Also, since I am all woman, I prefer not to indulge in the silly name-calling involving my male compatriots, especially since that would be behaviour I consider juvenile and asinine. (That said with a magnificent helping of childishness, huffiness and some modicum of dignity, I continue…). When men look at women, they instantly see a tag attached – sexy, hot, maal, amma, aunty, babe – that depends on the face and figure they are looking at and the class of the man doing the looking. Some names are excruciatingly funny, particularly out of context, while others are so dialectic that they leave me wondering what language they are in. And some are downright nasty and vulgar, hardly worth the effort it takes to read/listen to/voice them.

A socialite, author, brand maker and society watcher (yes, all in one feminine package) that I know slightly once asked me, “Do you object to being called ‘a babe’?” She is one herself, slim, svelte, saucy and sassy, the many children she has borne and the many scandals she has weathered notwithstanding. I was a little thrown for a moment, because in my naivete I never thought of being given that appellation. Then it made me wonder. Was being called a ‘a babe’ so bad? All it meant was that someone had a certain appreciation of my being but not the vocabulary enough to voice it with any tact or class. The lady herself called me ‘babe’ in various of our conversations. And friends of mine use it with some frequency, as do I myself, as a sort of affectionate nickname that is more or less generic. The only unfortunate connotation is to the main character of the eponymous film, Babe, which chronicles the life of a…ahem…piglet.

So, babe, tell me, what do you think of ‘better half’? Does that make you feel all woman, all good, all fabulous? Shall we say 'oink' to that?